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Cash For Compost

Sleaze or wheeze?
By Diana Cradorayouk - Essex Olfactory Enlightenment

The High Pope of the Cult Of Ffynche is embroiled in a number of scandals that some of his closest aides are stating could well be his downfall.


A quick recap on the ongoing number of scandals engulfing the High Pope


The High Pope is alleged to have used the cover of the recent pandemic to ensure local grass cutting contracts were given to goats who were not vetted to the required Cult standards, bypassed all required procurement rules and, worst of all, it is rumoured some of the Kids are from Great Bardfield.


The latest scandal to take hold over the High Pope’s reign has been labelled ‘cash for compost’ and centres around whether the High Pope paid 58 pounds for his own compost or whether this was paid for him by local wealthy benefactors. The High Pope has further angered locals by his disparaging comments about the previously available compost calling it a ‘miracle gro mess’ and asking if anyone had recently lived in a skip where he stated they could find better compost than what he has had to recently endure.


If local benefactors are paying for the High Pope’s compost then questions must continue to be asked about what possible influence said benefactors could have in future decisions of the High Pope.


The High Pope appears to refuse to answer the question directly and a full independent inquiry appears required. However, it remains unclear as to who could fund such an inquiry with the only name in the frame having been supplied by the High Pope himself: local wealthy benefactor Bartleby Legge.

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