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The Cult and Their Critters

The Cult of Ffynche has historically strong ties with the animal kingdom, whether the beasts are domesticated....or in some cases....savage and wild! 

Cult members who find themselves alone during ritual training may find it useful to have a pet capable of intervening in a crisis, caused perhaps by poor strap adjustment or a buckle prong penetration.

Famous animal attendants in Cult history include Fester Jocktoggle’s donkey Cuthbert, very adept at dragging his owner from the pub after chucking out time, and Tom Thom-Thomas’s gerbil Horace who could trim his nasal hair. (Thom-Thomas is a cousin of committee member Bartleby Legge).

Cuthbert -- not the most patient of critters

Bertrand the Russell practises nadger-belt tightening on a medical dummy. 

Seen here in his former role as hospitality director welcoming visitors to the village, Anthony Webb-Wobblett’s dog Little Tony was famously ordained as mascot for official Cult occasions, largely due to his ability to howl in perfect harmony with the Great Horn of Worp

Some bright spark (it was rumoured to be silly Billy Partridge) recently had the bright idea of a 'Bring Your Pet To Ritual Rehearsal Night'.


Famously and predictably this ended badly, with scores of fauna of all species roaming the streets of Finchingfield causing havoc. There were goats in the Guildhall, parrots on parapets- and nobody owned up to the boa constrictor which wrapped itself around and atop the war memorial.

Tragically, local tea shop owner Passsionata Figgishaw was involved in a serious road accident when she swerved to avoid a greyhound desperate to avoid the amorous advances of a lustful llama. Her rehabilitation continues. Their relationship blossoms.

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